What We Believe

We Believe:

In You!
We think you are great! Just totally keen! The Greek's had a word for how we feel about you - “Agape - In a state of wonder or amazement, as with the mouth wide open” – and we haven't even met you yet! Imagine how much we will love you once you are firmly ensconced as a member doing the Cult Leader's laundry and cooking his meals! Just think about it, you are the product of God's perfect plan. Or maybe the inevitable result of eons of random genetic mutation, guided by the fierce hand of natural selection. Either that or you might be the final outcome of an alien food-animal breeding program. Anyway you look at it; you are something special…or maybe delicious.

There Are Many Ways to Enlightenment
Most churches will tell you there is only one God. Others will tell you there are many, but no aliens. There are even a few that will tell you to put fruit or pretend paper money out for the spirits of your dearly departed relatives, lest they return as horrible zombies and drag you down into hell. Not us. We will tell you all of these things, and a lot more. We will tell you whatever it is that you need to hear. If you want to believe that the monasteries of Tibet are populated by ninjas that communicate with our alien masters using WiFi and Pringles can antennas, that is what you will get from us. It's no skin off our nose, as long as your checks don't bounce

Everyone Can be in Touch With the Divine, Aliens, and/or Exalted Masters
I don't think that I have any kind of a lock on communication with God, the spirit world, the alien master races that rule our solar system, or the ancient Sumerian spirit demons that roam our world. On any street corner you can see people who are obviously in communication with the other side…or crazy…or maybe they are talking on their cell phones.

In any case, we can teach you how to have a direct link with the powers that be, whatever they might be. God can talk directly to you and give you winning lotto numbers. Aliens can help you with your graduate thesis. Spirit guides can make sure that you never need pull in at a gas station and ask for directions, no matter what your wife says. We can show you how.

Everyone is Equal, Except for the Cult Leader.
In the eyes of God, and on the palates of our alien masters, everyone is equal. They don't care if you are white, black, grey or a crispy golden brown. You can be straight or gay, transgender or duel gendered they don't care. You are the way they made you, whether from a lump of clay or with the Clone-0-Matic 4000 food-animal growth vat. Because of this, we welcome everyone into the fold; after all, anyone can do laundry. Needless to say that the Cult Leader is better than you, after all, they (the Gods, aliens, spirits or whatever) picked him to lead you.