(Soon to be follower) Chris Severson asks "Why do you have a cult? Seems kind of odd...".
Well Chris, I can tell you that it's not for my health, that's for sure (although my health is excellent thanks to living by God's laws and/or alien breeding programs).
No Chris, I do it all just for you - not for any of my other followers, past, present, or future - I do it just for you, Chris.
You see, I know that you have questions. I can tell from the way that you put a question mark in your email that you want answers. Of course, it's not unusual, or wrong for you to have questions - sometimes it seems like everyone that sends in a question has at least one question. That's what makes you special - and vulnerable.
Of course, I can't promise you that I will always have all the answers. I do, however, promise that I will never let you know when I don't have the answers and that I will either make up something comforting, or ask you "What do you think about that Chris?" and then run with whatever answer you give.
Because that is the kind of personal, "just for you", savior/messiah/interplanetary livestock inspector that I am. Speaking of personal, Chris, the voices/alien transmissions tell me that you are a Residents fan and that you live not far from the compound. Given that, you should really consider a Full Membership or at least donate anything you have by The Residents on CD - everything I have is on vinyl. Nothing like eskimos chanting "Coke is it" to take the edge off.
