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March 18, 2006
It Has Been Some Time
Since I have last been able to communicate. Due to the difficulties in transmitting information across vast galactic distances, the posts that I made via my Blackberry while visiting the Crab Nebula will not arrive here on Earth for 6,700 years, by which time I expect they may be slightly less relevant.
Regardless, I have returned to the Winter Compound, refreshed from my travels, and with new information on mankind's place in the universe, and with specific information on what it means for you, my followers, for whom I do it all.
i.will.smite.you at gmmail.com has written to say that he doesn't understand about the connection between Shinra and laundry. While I only have a minute to respond before once again negotiating the temporary re-closure of the planer rifts that threaten to spill unimaginable horrors into our dimension, I suppose this is a question worth putting that off for.
While most people think of laundry as a chore, something that needs to be done in order to have fresh, clean, mountain-spring-scented garments to wear, at Shinra, we look at laundry as a choice. Do you want to wear the stained, filthy, rags of yesterday, reeking as they do of your past failures and lost dreams? Or would you rather take the time to remove those stains? To scrubs, to rinse, to iron, and then starch your way into a better life?
For those that follow Shinra, the casual Febrezing of confession is not enough - we understand that only by pumping quarter after quarter into the washing machine of our faith (and dollar after dollar into the donation box) can we hope to make our whites as white as they can be, and our colors their boldest. Amen.
By the way, I need that robe back by Friday.
Posted by The Cult Leader at March 18, 2006 01:08 PM