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August 12, 2005

Spreading The Word

Many of you have asked "What can I do to spread the word and help Shinra and the Cult Leader on the path to inevitable world domination?"

I'm glad you asked.

There is a lot going on these days in the way of missionary support. For one thing, membership levels have been reorganized, making it easier than ever to join. Check out the How To Join link to learn more.

Here at The Compound we are also creating materials that you can download and use to spread the word in your own community. Follow the Spread The Word link to download the first in the series. Print it out and take it with you on your next first date!

Posted by The Cult Leader at 10:10 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 05, 2005

Guns?

Future follower Michael ask "Say, are there guns at the compound?".

Here at The Compound there is no need for guns. We are a peaceful (non-death, maybe sex if you're cute) cult.

I'm here to help my followers believe in whatever it is that they choose to believe in, while at the same time enriching myself spiritually (and financially). Gun are not something that fits into that philosophy.

That said, it should be noted that our Alien Masters have surrounded the earth with a cloud of orbiting particle beam weapons platforms capable of easily destroying any who would threaten us (other than them). At the same time the Implacable Pan-Dimensional Entities that we seek to bring into this reality through terrible rituals could turn up at any moment, putting the kibosh on any attempts at hostility towards us (and bringing about the destruction of all life as we understand it).

So really, having guns is kind of a moot point.

As far as the jumpsuits go, if your personal belief system dicates that you wear a jumpsuit then a jumpsuit you shall wear. I suggest a yellow one.

Next question.

Posted by The Cult Leader at 11:56 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 04, 2005

Rather ask "Why do I pee?"

Confused in Colorado asks the question "Why does it hurt when I pee?"

Asking this question shows that you are still mired in out-moded thought patterns. It's the sort of question I expect from a Scientologist* or a SubGenius**.

It's time to move beyond questions like "why does it hurt" and move on to questions like "Why do I still have to". The promise of Shinra is to move beyond the boundries and restrictions of our bodies (or at least the things about them that aren't any fun).

Rather than asking our alien overlords why it hurts to pee why not ask them to install an efficient recycling and filtration system directly into your abdomen that recycles waste fluids and provides you with a slow trickle of pure H20 through a tube routed directly back into the stomach? Instead of peeing you would simply undergo a surgical procedure to change the system's filter once a year.

That is the promise of Shinra.

* The Scientology answer would be "Because your urethra is clogged with body thetans - which can be removed for a price"

** The SubGenious answer to the question would be "Because you have an STD, or you are currently peeing on an electric fence"

Posted by The Cult Leader at 04:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack