How to Join
Joining Shinra is easy. If you believe in anything at all, whether
it's God, the spirit world, or the idea that our solar system is ruled
by an alien agricultural co-op that plans to harvest once the population
reaches 10 billion, you are already half way there. All you need to
do now is make a commitment.
We can help you channel your belief and use it every day to improve your life, but we need your help to channel your funds into the Cult Leader's numbered off-shore bank account.
Believer Level Membership
Becoming a Believer Level Member is easy - all you need to do is believe
in something. Believe in it so strongly that you are willing to a
few minutes from your busy life and affirm your believe. Simply write
an email to cult@shinra.com telling
the Cult Leader what it is that you believe in. Within days you will
see the results. Increased luck! Romance! The uncomfortable feeling
that cold alien eyes observe you at all times!
Missionary Membership
Onvce you have experienced the benefits of Believer membership, there
is no doubt that you are going to want to share your good fortune.
You can become a Missionary Member by simply linking your site to
Shinra.com. There is no need to tell us that you have - the Cult Leader
will know. Within days you will see the results. Increased luck! Romance!
Fire raining down from the sky upon those who would oppose you!
Paid Membership
Maybe you are not ready for the commitment of Full Membership. Maybe
you have a high paying, non-relocatable job that allows you to make
generous and frequent contributions to Shinra. If that is the case,
you can still enjoy most of the benefits of Shinra right in your own
home with an Internet Membership. Anyone that donates $5.00 or more
is eligible. Internet members will receive a membership card that
will act as your backstage pass to the afterlife, your ticket aboard
the Alien Mothership, or your certification of USDA Triple A quality
when it comes time for you to be turned into delicious man-burgers
for the alien harvesters. You will also receive a heartbreakingly
beautiful, haunting rendering of the Cult Leader's image, suitable
for framing – it's the next best thing to basking in his presence!
Finally, you will still be able to believe anything you
want! We won't argue with you, or your $5.00 donation!
Full Membership
If you are ready to make a complete commitment to Shinra you should
consider giving up everything and becoming a full member. As a full
member you will enjoy all of the benefits of Shinra; communal living
with the fold, basking in the direct presence of the Cult Leader,
working side by side with other full members to make the world a better
place, at least for the Cult Leader, and doing laundry.
To become a full member you will need to give up your
current life, move to The Compound (its location will be disclosed
to you after a rigorous battery of psychological tests), and devote
your life to the cult. In return you are guaranteed happiness, eternal
life, a spot on the mother-ship, or a quick, painless death when the
alien overlords come for their harvest, or something else entirely,
it all depends on what you believe, and you can believe whatever you
want. Also, you will get to enjoy spending time with the Cult Leader,
watching TV with him on the big screen, working the land on The Compound,
and doing laundry.
